On special occasions, you will find yourself getting flowers or jewelry or chocolates – depending on your husband. Perhaps, a specially cooked dinner at home or a fancy dinner might do the trick. After all, you deserve this, right? It’s been a while since you last went out as a couple, or even were a couple.
Apparently, things are different for four to five percent of Americans who are looking for love and sex outside of the relationship – all with their partner’s permission and knowledge. Call it weird, insane or whatever negative adjectives you can think of, but there are couples in this planet who are open to the idea of consensual non-monogamous relationships.
This Is Called Polyamory
By definition, polyamory is about having simultaneous close emotional relationships with two or more persons.
The Polyamory Society also defines this set-up as a “non possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously.”
Yes, it is an open relationship but your partner knows and he approves of it.
You need to know what this type of relationship is all about before you say it is immoral. For many people, polyamory is a sick set-up, a phase where some people go through to figure out whether they want to stay in their relationship, because divorce is just too much for their pocket to handle. But hold your horses right there. There is more to polyamory than you think. You might be surprised that this type of relationship has a lot of benefits such as:
One advantage of polyamorous relationship is the sexual variety. Being on a one-partner only relationship can be quite a bore, especially if one of you is not open to the idea of spicing up your sex life.
Polyamory helps expand your options as to how you relate to people intimately, since you are able to explore variety of sexual interests.
Hence, polyamory is not just about group sex or having sex with multiple partners. In fact, some couples may have laid down rules that no one can touch the “legal” wife or husband. Fine, sex plays an important role in the relationship, but that’s not the end of it.
At the same time, being in this type of relationship does not automatically mean you should all engage in group sex all the time. There are multiple people you can do interesting things with, making the relationship more exciting. After all, you and your partner have some differences when it comes to interests and hobbies, right?
That’s not all. The good thing about having multiple partners is that it also helps you see new things in your loved one. It may be a unique way of getting to know the person you said “I Do,” with, but you get to see him through someone else’s eyes and hopefully, learn new things about them, which you will love.
Believe it or not, there are rules and regulations laid down here for every couple. So yes, it is more than just a swing club or a group who is looking for promiscuous or recreational sex or even one-night stand.
Polyamorous relationships have no universal rules for how the relationship works. What goes inside the relationship circle depends entirely on the people inside it.
In other words, it is a negotiated framework based on communication, trust and honesty. In simple terms, it is consensual – there is “yes” among all the parties involved.
To put things in perspective, think of the relationship this way. There is a happily married who are together for a decade but with no kids. They have been in a relationship with another couple who has kids. Couple A, the one with no kids, spends time with couple B, the one with kids, as a family. They do things together as a family and even do family-friendly activities. Aside from this, they go out on dates and do adult stuff.
There is no cheating here, because there is a certain level of attachment and intimacy towards every person. He knows her, she knows him and everyone approves of it. There is no point in hiding. In other words, cheating has no place in polyamorous relationships. Win-win.
One of the advantages of polyamory relationship is the shared responsibilities. You can share a home, how to take care of the kids when the other parent is away, even pay for the bills every end of the month. At the same time, it adds support in the relationship since there are several people you can lean on. Remember the Couples A and B example? That pretty much tells how polyamory works.
However, the biggest concern in polyamory relationship is the effect on the children. For non-believers, this type of relationship creates confusion to the kids, which can be harmful in the long run. Believe it or not, those who are in this type of relationship show different results.
Multiple adult families and committed intimate networks can provide children with additional nurturing in terms of their material, emotional and intellectual needs.
There is a tendency for the biological parents to focus less on the kids because of other equally-important responsibilities. In this type of relationship, kids automatically gain a new uncle or aunt, or even an adoptive parent who equally loves and cares for them.
Another benefit of having shared responsibilities? There is less stress and the feeling of burnout. At the same time, children have more positive role models to look up to, which can help them a lot as they grow older. There is a bigger and stronger support system, which both the kids and adults can rely on.
Think about this. When one parent dies or becomes disabled, there are other people who can fill in the gap, people who are concerned and willing to take responsibility. Or in a less serious context, when one parents needs to be somewhere important, the other parents step in. In other words, there is an assurance that whatever happens, the children will still be in good hands.
Yes, polyamory can potentially create a stable and nurturing family, because love and security is the center of the children’s development.
Being in a relationship can be a bore, especially when you do the same things all the time and your guy does not even want to try something different. Well, not for those who belong in a polyamorous relationship. Surprising as it may sound, promoting inner growth is one of the foundation of this type of setting
Take this case for instance. You are tired, stressed and not feeling good about yourself. Instead of letting it all out on one person, there are two or more you can talk to and eventually help you feel better about the situation.
There is lesser room for personal insecurities and even co-dependent communication patterns, since there are other people you can rely on, someone you can trust.
Aside from this, polyamory increases your individuality. The problem most couples experience these days is falling into a couple-centric identities. It is where you do all the things together, all the time at any given day. In other words, you are both one package – you will never be seen without him.
That’s fine. However, you can lose yourself and your identity somewhere along the way. All of a sudden, you can’t distinguish what your personal interests are from his. On the other hand, things are different for those who are in a polyamory relationship. Being in a multiple relationship allows you to focus more on who you are as a person, not by your relationship.
Before you react and think that polyamory is bad, you should know that being in this kind of relationship is actually an identity, a way of life.
It is a practice they people wish to embark, which their other half approves. It is their source of happiness and satisfaction. It is a path they chose to take for which they take full responsibility for their actions.
Every person is unique. For those who are in this kind of relationship, it allows them to appreciate all the people in their life and to stop looking at their checklist to see if their partner met their requirements. This explains why it won’t work with all kinds of people.
Does this mean being on a monogamous relationship is bad and has tons of disadvantages? Of course not. Again, polyamory is part of one’s identity. It is honest and consensual, a way of life for some people, but not for all. If you are not open to the idea of multiple relationships, then that’s fine. No one is forcing you to do this unless you want to.
Whatever your preference may be, one thing is for sure: everyone deserves respect in the relationship, monogamous or not.