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10 Totally Outdated Vintage Sex Tips

9 years ago 7 minute read

Tons of sex tips and tricks guarantee you a night of fun and pleasure. The good news is these sex tips, no matter how unconventional and weird they may be are slowly accepted by the people and this once conservative society. However, things were different decades ago.

Naïve wivesTo give you an idea, a vicar’s wife named Ruth Smythers, wrote the book, “Sex Tips for Husbands and Wives from 1894.” Since touching yourself is death penalty material, Smythers wrote the book to give clueless and naïve wives an idea on how to do things in the bedroom.

Apparently, her advice to “give little, give seldom and above all, give grudgingly” is quite disturbing. Is she suggesting that you inflict serious injury to your man?

And it doesn’t end there. It turns out that there is someone who loved Ruth Smythers so very much, by the name of Thomas Horton, that he wrote, “What Men Don’t Like About Women,” which tells the female society that a woman should always be a subordinate to her man and that men should be dominant in bed.

Unless you want to be arrested for serious physical injuries or be called crazy by your husband by following these outrageous suggestions, here are some sex tips you need to say goodbye to forever.

1. Never Tell Your Man What To Do In Bed

According to Horton, telling your man about your sexual preferences is degrading. At the same time, it sets up inferiority complex in him, which can lead to marital misery or worse, divorce.

Okay, this is just plain stupid. First things first – if you really want to enjoy sex, then you need to communicate. Part of communicating with your man is telling him what you want and what turns you on. Otherwise, you’ll look like a mannequin he can just use over and over.

And please, it’s already the 21st century. Gender inequality and looking at women as an object is so yesterday. Tell the men to get over it. If they don’t want to listen to your needs in bed, then let them leave. You deserve to be treated properly, even in bed.

2. Oral Sex Is Only For Perverts

Oral SexImagine sex without oral – dull and boring. Sure, humping is fine and can make you orgasm, but if you really want an ultimate sexual experience, then you’re going to need some licking and kissing you down there.

Well, not for those who live centuries ago. Apparently, men would just want to jump in and get it over with, without even thinking about how their wives will feel. And if you happen to love giving your man a blow job, that’s considered as a mortal sin, too.

Thankfully, people know better now and accept the fact that giving an oral is just part of sex. It’s like salt and pepper. It’s hard to get away without both.

3. Nagging, Scolding And Arguing An Hour Before Seduction Really Works

ArguingIs there a guy in his right mind who would want to get laid after being nagged and scolded like a five-year old? Apparently, things were different in 1890.

According to Smythers’ book, bickering and nagging late in the evening, an hour before the actual sex is effective. Hmm, maybe she is thinking about make-up sex, don’t you think?

The good news is you don’t live in 1890 anymore. You don’t need to nag or treat your man like your six-year old brother just to have sex. In fact, your man will even appreciate if you treat him nicely, instead of shouting at him all night.

Please ladies, nagging will never work. It will just drive your man away – far away.

4. If You Are A Wise Woman, You Will Not Have Sex In The Later Part Of Your Marriage

Photo by Ian MacKenzie / CC BY

Okay, another stupid tip right here. And if there were any women during the 1800’s who actually believed this, then it’s no wonder men were cheating so much back in the day.

Sex is important in marriage and relationships. It is not the defining factor, but intimacy is important as love, trust and respect. If you want to keep your relationship intact, then being intimate with your man is one of the best ways to do this.

It may come to a point where what you do in a bed is a routine. If that happens, sit down and talk to your partner about the things you can do to spice up your sex life, and eventually save your relationship.

5. Don’t Allow Your Husband To See Your Naked Body

Naked BodyThis is another reason why you should be thankful that you did not live centuries ago. Yes, you have virtues and morals and you wish to show everything to the right man.

In this case, he is your husband. Don’t you think he has the right to see you and explore your naked body?

To make it worse, imagine how your wedding night would be when you lived during these times. All you have to do is to lie down and wait for your husband to find you. When he finally sees you, just lie down and let him take off your underwear. Wait for some penetration until he finishes off.

Can you even consider that as a special night? Pretty lame, don’t you think?

6. Never Allow A Man To Touch You

This is fine, especially when the dude is not even your boyfriend, husband or someone really close to you. There are so many cases of rape and other forms of sexual assault haunting women today and the last thing you need is to be part of that list. However, things are different when you already have that M-R-S in your name.

KissSmythers said in her book that, “If he attempts to kiss her on the lips, she should turn her head slightly, so that kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist.”

Since when does avoidance and passive aggression become part of the relationship? Can you just imagine a marriage where you don’t even allow your man to kiss you, or even touch your hand? Whatever happened to intimacy here?

The good news is it’s no longer applicable these days. In fact, you can let your partner kiss you as much as he can, and well, you know where this is going to lead.

7. Touching Yourself Is A Mortal Sin

There are so many people to blame here: society, the church, the culture your family is used to, and the existing norms, among others.

Touching YourselfAt some point, people referred to masturbation as a disease. And if you even dare to touch yourself, then you should be ashamed. Well, not anymore.

Fast forward to today, and playing with yourself and giving yourself some pleasure is no longer taboo. Of course, the acceptance rate for men is much higher than in women, but slowly, people are acknowledging the fact that masturbation is a normal body process. In fact, there is no proof that masturbating is a mental disorder.

So, when the situation calls for it and your best man is busy doing his own thing, you don’t have a choice but to rely on yourself – and fingers or dildo – to do the job. You’re going to love it, too. Plus, you are assured that you are safe, sex-wise.

8. Don’t Underestimate The Power Of Call Of Nature

Call of nature
Photo by icanteachyouhowtodoit / CC BY

What if the man is persistent and he really wants to get in your pants. What do you think is the best way to get away with it?

Hundreds of years ago, using the excuse “call of nature” was the best way to escape a man’s attempt to kiss a woman anywhere but on the cheek.

The pee excuse could even gross him out, suppressing his desire to kiss a woman in the forbidden territory.

9. Connection Is Only Up To The Waist

BoobsWhy do you even have boobs if you won’t even let the man of your dreams use them? Men will say for breastfeeding purposes, but aside from that, you need to feel that you are a human being who is capable of feeling many wonderful forms of sensation.

Back in the day, sex for a man and woman only meanst putting her gown up, and only up to the waist. In return, the man will open the front of his pajamas, thereby exposing his manhood. From there, connection was made.

From an outsider’s point of view, do you think there is connection in there somewhere? Well, you be the judge.

10. Cuddling After Sex Is Out Of The Equation

Cuddling After SexAccording to Horton’s book, women were not intellectually equal with men, despite the shared state of nature. In fact, after sex, all men care about is to just rest and get some sleep.

Well, not all men. Don’t you notice how much you long for touch and cuddling after every orgasm?

After you climax, there is something going on inside your body that makes you want to be more intimate with your man, sans the penetration. It’s a sign of affirmation and a continuous connection between you and your man.

So, would you still want to live in 1890? Not many women would these days.