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3 Complicated Facts on Women and the Simplicity of Responsive Desire     

8 years ago 8 minute read

For years, it has been common knowledge that women are simply not sexual beings. Unless you are an uncommon nymph or sex siren, you more than likely assume you do not need sex to function, or that it is just a typical bedtime routine you crave.

Inner sexual sideToo many women assume there is something wrong with them because they do not crave sex all of the time; however, this is not correct.

There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not as broken as you think you are. The only thing that is broken is your perception of your own sexuality.

Ladies, wake up your inner sexual side, and embrace the fact that you are just as sexual as men. Gone are the days when people consider women to have low libidos. Instead, nowadays, experts have directly linked women to a new term called “responsive desire.”

What Is Responsive Desire?

In order to break this new psychological term down best, it is significant to pair it with its opposite term, “spontaneous desire.” Sigmund Freud broke the boundaries of sexual studies when he coined the term,“libido.”

Sex driveAccording to Freud, a person’s sex drive is comprised of the genetic makeup necessary for survival. However, this survival instinct is not, according to Freud, as essential as hunger or sleep. Instead, one can postpone the sexual libido until a suitable time.

It was believed that the sex drive was a way to increase sexual gratification. However, scientists are now proving that spontaneous desire should be involved in order for a person to crave sex. For example, when you are hungry, you eat. Therefore, spontaneous desire allows a sexual urge to dictate when and where you are having sex. The notion of sex therefore comes from out of the blue.

Responsive desire
Photo by o5com / CC BY

This new thought of spontaneous desire is now linked to the term,“sex drive.” If a person is driven to desire sex, then it can be broken down to this spontaneous desire and something else. There has to be this “something else,” because what if you know you want sex, but you have to postpone it? Enter responsive desire.

As opposed to the spontaneous desire to have sex, there is also the response to an arousal. Instead of sporadically wanting sex, it is also normal to want sex after sexual interest is piqued. For example, you get excited and want sex when your lover nibbles on your neck. This is responsive desire.

What Does Responsive Desire Have To Do With Women?

With this new found theory, researchers explored how men and women perceive both spontaneous and responsive desire. Does one sex cater towards one type of desire, compared to the other?

Findings indicate that approximately 10 to 20 percent of women experience spontaneous desire, whereas 70 percent of men experience spontaneous desire. Do note that this number indicates the primary desire style. Just because most men experience spontaneous desire does not mean it is their sole means.

With these findings, researchers noted that men typically desire sex first before arousal. Women, as you can imagine, were the exact opposite. According to these studies, women need to feel aroused before they spontaneously desire sex, even if it is not so spontaneous after arousal occurs.

If you think about it, this theory is relatively simple. Women want to be aroused in order to crave sex. However, this simple theory creates myriads of more complicated facts revolving around women and their sexual desires.

Here are some of these facts broken down:

1. Women Perceive Responsive Desire As Abnormal

In 2013, the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders removed hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), and replaced it with female sexual arousal disorder (FSAD).

Female sexual arousal disorderExperts used to believe that hypoactive sexual desire was the persistent or recurring absence or deficiency of sexual fantasies, and the lack of interest in sexual activities that causes stress on interpersonal relationships.

With this new theory of responsive desire, experts can now better explain this condition. This new condition of female sexual arousal disorder is the inability to experience both spontaneous and responsive desire. If you do not crave sex or become aroused by your partner, then there is an issue. However, you should remember that it is absolutely normal if you only experience one type or another.

Too often women think of themselves as abnormal if they do not spontaneously desire sex like their partners do. Therefore, these women seek medications to fix their spontaneous desire. Instead, you need to embrace your sexuality and allow for responsive desire to take place naturally.

2. Medication Is Not Entirely Necessary

MedicationBecause men are more prone to experience spontaneous desire, women feel as if there is something wrong with them when they do not. However, this creates a complicated fact about women and their sex drives.

Too often women consult the help of a psychiatrist, who then prescribes a libido boosting medication full of harmful ingredients.

These chemical-laden sex pills often do not work for women. While a natural supplement is an effective alternative, the heavy prescription prescribed by psychiatrists is often unnecessary.

By all means, any woman who does not experience either type of desire should seek medical help. However, it is perfectly normal for a woman to only experience responsive desire. The sooner women understand this fact, the sooner more women will experience healthy and happier sex lives.

3. Part Of Responsive Desire Is Feeling Desired

Feeling DesiredNothing turns a woman on more than feeling wanted. As corny and cliché as it sounds, most women who experience only responsive desire long to feel wanted by their partner. This want often delves into the sexual side of things.

This is the feeling you get when you are in a new relationship. You feel hot desire and pursuit by your partner, and in turn you have a lot of sex. However, this often dwindles as the relationship progresses, and thus your sex life falls into a rut. If you and your partner can channel the energy you felt from the beginning, then you are more than likely going to feel the hot desire come back and thus rejuvenate your sex life.

How To Allow Responsive Desire Into Your Bedroom

Let us discuss ways to allow responsive desire to sneak in your bedroom:

  • Figure Out Your Own Sexuality

Figure OutFirst and foremost, you need to acknowledge whether you are more of a spontaneously craving individual, or if responsive desire is your thing. Remember that it is only an issue if you are not experiencing either.

Really examine how you crave sex. Do you want sex with your partner after they give you a hug? Do you think about having sex with your partner randomly throughout the day?

If you need a hug or kiss from your partner in order to crave sex, then you are more of the responsive individual. If you think about having sex randomly throughout the day, then you do indeed have spontaneous desires. They just might not be convenient or do-able for the two of you.

  • Discuss Your Sexual Desires With Your Partner 

DiscussOnce you identify the type of desire you typically feel, you should bring this up in conversation with your partner.
It is imperative that your partner best understands your sexual impulses, since it is certain they want to reach them as frequently as possible.

Explain to your partner that you are much more responsive than spontaneous in your sexual desires. Instead of simply wanting sex all of the time, you need a little coercion. Maybe your partner can coerce a little more. Now that they understand what makes you tick, they are sure to do their all to make it happen.

  • Implement An Action Plan

Put it to practice. If you find that you and your partner are not sexually clicking as much as you would like, prompt it bit more by setting the mood. Do what you two enjoy best, which could include going on a romantic date, setting the mood with candles and wine, or even setting aside 20 minutes to yourselves.

Romantic dateWomen who need responsive desire require some alternative work, but it is sure to show results once the partner implements the right technique. You can tap into this responsive desire by showing you want him through text messages, physical acts, verbal expressions and even your presence alone.

He can send you a sexy text message, stimulate your sensual desires by reading erotic novels together, watch porn, and let you know that he loves your body. If you are more responsive, then chances are that you want your partner to enjoy your body and let you know that they crave you.

You can prompt this in them by accentuating some parts of your body. Ask him for more foreplay, and be sure to let your partner know when they are doing something right. This positive reinforcement is sure to guarantee that the behavior will continue.

Consult your doctorIf you find that you simply want to have more spontaneous desire in a healthy way, then you can always opt for a natural lubricants like those found at

You should always consult your doctor before using any product, since they can attest to your medical history, allergies, and any other complications that might arise. Diet, exercise, and supplementation can all help your sensual mood increase. So, give it your best shot and notice your sexual drive escalating.

Bring the sexy back into your relationship with responsive desire. You don’t need to crave sex sporadically throughout the day. Instead, crave sex with your partner once he initiates it, and watch as your sex life takes another exciting leap.