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After Baby Arrives: 8 Ways to Revive Your Sex Drive

10 years ago 9 minute read

Women may have anxiety about reviving their normal sex life after their child’s birth. The recent labor pain, sore stitches, wacky hormones, weight gain and sore breasts are a few of the reasons that make sex one of the least priorities in a new mom’s life. And, how one can forget the exhaustion that a new mother experiences from having a newborn who sleeps very little, gets up a lot, and cries quite often, especially at night?

PregnancyThese are the reasons that just after a few weeks after delivery women usually despise the thought of indulging in intimate moments with their partners. The bottom line is this: the pregnancy and following childbirth undoubtedly kill their sex lives, at least for a while.

Here’s good news – If your sex life has dropped to nil, it can be revived by following some of the tried and tested tips. Read on to learn more about bringing your sex life back to life:

1. Go Crazy for Kegels

Almost 50 percent of women experience pain during sexual intimacy after childbirth. This usually happens with women who had a vaginal delivery.

It has been found that vaginal delivery decreases the tone of your kegel or PC muscles, which, over time makes you feel less orgasmic.

To get over this situation, it is effective to do some kegel exercises, which work to rejuvenate the muscular tone to the vagina. The best thing about these exercises is that you don’t have to spare extra time to perform them. They can be done anytime and anywhere. Hey, that’s so relieving for busy new mums.

Now, what’s the procedure to do kegels? Simply contract and relax the muscles you use to start and stop a flow of your pee. The three steps are: squeeze, hold and relax. Once done, repeat the complete cycle. To ensure early and effective result, you might want to go for 50 to 100 repetitions of Kegels each day.

2. Talk With Your Partner Often About Sex

Talk With Your PartnerMany new parents may not realize, but sex issues usually become resolved as the baby grows. However, some men are so anxious, that they really don’t try to understand or wait. The important step is to discuss your lack of sex desire with your partner.

Indulge in a gentle and open discussion and also ensure that you listen to your partners ideas on how to make things simpler. Partners who only concentrate on what’s wrong usually end up playing the hurt and blame game. It is best to take small constructive steps towards fixing sensitive sensual issues. Once you will have this discussion in positive tones, you will find your sexual issues disappearing into thin air.

However, if you have tried this conversation a few times and things are still not progressing in a positive direction, don’t delay in seeking an expert’s help. There are counselors and therapists who are trained in marriage issues and can help to sort your sexual problems.

3. Maintain Some Sort of Physical Closeness

HuggingOf course, now there’s a new member in the house who is getting all your needed attention that was previously bestowed on your man. Undoubtedly, your child deserves your attention more than anything else at this point, but it is essential that you pull out some quality time for your fella, as well.

Intimacy between partners is not all about sex. If you continue displaying your affection towards your partner in other ways, he won’t go in a rejection mode. And, perhaps you may notice your sexual side returning.

What can help? You can maintain some physical intimacy with your partner by kissing, hugging, holding hands, rubbing his back and cuddling him every now and then. If possible try planning a date night for just two of you. You may communicate with your partner about how you are feeling with your new routine and how the little one has a hold of all your time.

Holding handsAlthough these physical gestures will not replace the actual sack session you both enjoyed previously, your partner will still be eternally pleased with your thoughtfulness. Also, with these continuous signals to make your partner feel special and loved, the sex will follow soon.

In simple words – don’t ignore your man, even if sex is far beyond your carte du jour. It will definitely not be healthy for your relationship if your partner starts to believe that he has been swapped or crossed off your list.

4. Dealing With Postpartum Issues

Post-delivery stitches
Photo by DRosenbach / CC BY-SA

If your post-delivery stitches and pain are making you aloof regarding sex, you may consider a gentle caress and oral sex to bring each other to orgasm. If penetration is too uncomfortable, try painless and easy sexual postures.

It may take you some time to figure out what suits best to your needs, but with continuous experiments you will both realize that the arrival of your child has actually made things more spicy and fun for you.

5. Are You Breastfeeding?

Breastfeeding mums should try feeding their child before sex to reduce the risk of leakage during sexual intimacy. It is also best to wear padded bras to keep your breasts from hurting. However, breast stimulation is a big part of foreplay between most partners and so most women like them to be accessible.

BreastfeedingIf wearing a bra is a turn off for both of you, skip it. Just be warned your partner may occasionally get sprayed with milk, and the good news is that most men find it erotic and love playing in the milky mess.

You may consider keeping a towel handy for cleanup after sex. And, in case there is leakage of milk, change to a position where you are laying on your back and can just place the towel over your breasts until they stop dripping.

Experts indicate that breastfeeding women have issues with milk leakage only in the first few months of breastfeeding. It happens because this is the time when their body is dealing with engorgement and figuring out the right milk supply for the baby.

Some women believe that they will not get pregnant while they are breastfeeding. Don’t fall into this trap, because pregnancy is indeed possible. Breastfeeding releases certain hormones that may rule out the possibility of pregnancy, but there is no promise. Be mindful of the time when you are weaning your baby. Once your hormones get under control, you will start ovulating before your periods arrive.

6. Establish Your Baby’s Routine

baby in a regular routine of sleepingTry creating a routine for your baby, so that he or she is in bed at the latest by eight in the evening. Some mothers may not realize, but putting your baby in a regular routine of sleeping, feeding and other activities makes life much easier for both the newborn and mother.

Although it sounds easy, it’s not a simple task. Most new moms are clueless as to how to start and maintain a routine for their little one. Start by creating a consistent bedtime routine. Remember: once a nighttime routine is established, the daytime routine will automatically fall into place.

Usually, newborns are unable to distinguish between day and night. They sleep for long hours during the day only to get noisy once the sun sets. This makes the mother cranky who was all day looking after the child and catering to other needs of her family. To begin, try teaching your little one the difference between night and day.

PlayingExperts recommend that mothers should keep the house bright during the day and dark at night. Keep the lights dim and your house noiseless once the sun goes down. Also, don’t talk too much with your child during night feeds. It is important to make them learn that the nights are meant for sleeping and the daytime is for playing.

Undoubtedly, it will take time to understand the needs of your baby, but gradually you will see a regular routine merging overtime. Once your baby is sleeping during the night, you will have ample quality time to spend with your partner.

7. When Did You Last Wear Your Sexy Lingerie?

It is a fact that the less you are involved in sex, the less you will have the urge to make love. The fatigue of taking care of a newborn makes women forget about how she looks, and how she feels about her sex life.

Sexy LingerieAfter a few weeks of a baby’s arrival, women should start working on reviving their lost sex life. You can start to pamper yourself and spend some time exclusively to groom yourself.

This will make you feel sexier and more beautiful. Plan a sensuous night with your partner and get ready in your sexiest outfit. When you feel gorgeous, you will find yourself genuinely trying hard to take out some time to get intimate with your guy.

For men: Make your woman feel special, even if you think she has gained a few pounds. It’s common for new moms to experience multiple physical changes in just a few months. They are normally self-conscious of their altered appearance and find it challenging to enjoy themselves sexually. Support her and make her feel comfortable, so that she reconnects with you emotionally and physically.

8. Learn the Art of Rejection

DrainedDon’t feel guilty if your hormones and weak body are not allowing you to rejuvenate your sex life so soon. Every woman is different and it’s normal to feel differently. If you aren’t ready for sex, then find easy ways to mollify your partner.

In a few cases, situations can be sensitive. So, ensure to take your time, and be watchful of how you make excuses for not having sex with your partner. Most guys find it very disheartening to be excluded by the person they love.

There are new moms who are so drained with their new life that they frequently find themselves putting down their partner’s requests in a rude way. Although it’s a common behavior, learning to say ‘no’ affectionately and fondly can help relieve the escalating stress between partners.

Too tiredIt’s also best to altogether skip the word ‘no’ when you want to turn down your partner’s request for lovemaking. If you are too tired, let him know, and then suggest an alternative option by offering him a quality time some other time. How about saying, “Your little baby has really made me exhausted today. Let’s plan a date for Friday evening.” This attitude will definitely make your man understand.

These are just a few of the effective ways to deal with postpartum sex issues. Both the partners need to have patience, sensitivity, and understanding to reignite their lovelife they have previously enjoyed.

Guys should handle the new mother with care and think of her as a new woman in his life who he wanted to woo for making her feel special. So, be slow and take it easy. If nothing seems to be working, relax and know, in most cases, it’s just a temporary phase. Things will get back to normal soon.

Likewise, women should try to understand the feelings of their recently-abandoned partner and find ways to revive their low libido.

If making lifestyle changes is not helping, taking a natural female enhancement supplement from is another suitable option. Women all around the globe are getting immense benefits from this herbal formula, which is safe to use for a long time.